I have made up my mind. I have decided to really let go of her. It pointless to continue to care and love her because she purely treats me as a friend. Maybe staying single for now is the best thing for me and I shall build up my career first. This time I will seriously let go. Its going to be tough but in the mean time, I spend my time to reflect on myself and become a person.

Overwhelming Feelings

Once again, I am back. This is the only place that I can freely express myself. Although we have broken up for close to 3 months, I thought I have fully let her go but recently, we meet up often to study for our exams and it just brought back all my feelings for her. To see her smile, laugh and it seems like I am still so much deeply in love with her. I guess this few months I was just supressing my feelings for her. I guess I also took her for granted in the past, but right now I just hope she can come back to me. Whenever we meet up to study, I really feel so happy and comfortable and it makes me feel like I have gone back in time when we were still together. But I really have no confidence in myself. I hope I am able to woo her back. But until then, I guess I will still be blogging all my feelings and things that I cant bring myself to say infront of her because I am just so afraid that she will reject me. Nevertheless, I just want her to happy even if the person beside her is not me.

My only way to express myself yet again.

It has been a while since my last post. So much have changed over the past two to three years. Recently, I had a quarrel with my girlfriend and this was the first serious quarrel we had in the past two years of our relationship. It has made me realised that I really love her so so much and just the thought of losing was too hard to bear. I have never ever been so serious about a girl before and I am so looking forward to spending the rest of life with her.

Things seem to be looking fairly good even though we had a quarrel, simply because we made up and everything was cleared. But only recently my girlfriend spoke to me about what her family thought about me. The comments made were mostly negative and only some were positive. In that moment, I was quite puzzled because I never knew that they actually felt that way about me. After thinking back, I knew why they felt that way but to me, I felt that whatever things I did was my own interest and I am just being myself. I am really clueless, should I just be the way I am or should I just simply stop doing the things so that I would not be judged.

I really love my girlfriend and I knows she loves me too. But I really don't want to put her in a spot whereby she got to explain to everyone. I know she is really frustrated with her job and I really don't want to add on to her burden. Maybe I should change for her to become the person that her family wants me to be. Hope I am doing the right thing.

Posted to 3SIB

I have finally gotten over it le ... life has to go no matter wat .. anyway, i will be posted to 3SIB at bukit panjang next monday. I have totally no idea of what my life will be there, hopefully things will be better when i get over there.. So i have to clear my guardduty tom and wed other then tat i am off.. so if ur wanna hang out can just give me call... Cya pals..

Certified SAF Biker

hahah... after 3 weeks plus of intense riding and studying .. finally i have passed my public road test and i will be going for my Island wide riding soon .. Kinda looking forward to it cause its a whole different feeling of riding on expressway although i am sad to say the speed limit is only 50km/hr but tat is crap, i definitely will go faster then tat .. muahaha .. Currently doing off road training .. its kinda tough but more exciting then normal circuit stuff, going through mud pool, steep slopes, pebble track, sand pit, and flying off small slope.. awesome man.. Tom going for off road riding at somewhere which i have no idea, so looking forward to it .. its just so sad that bike course is going to come to an end which is on this saturday and its back to bedok camp and STAY IN !!!! sigh............ but its just a matter of time that i get use to it again ... Soon i will only be free on weekends only ..

Still feelin down over my love life, but i am more or less more stable then the past few weeks.. Now all i want is just for her to be happy thats all .. whether i am with her or not .. yea i guess that will benefit both of us :)

Charlie Company = Shag

ARMY

Finally after POP, I thought i would be able to slack ... but i guess i was wrong, cause i am being posted to CHARLIE company which has a very famous reputation in SISPEC. Luckily i have alot of my VIPER mates in my current platoon 3. I believe i will be able to conquer BSLC and move on to the next stage of army life. So I will try and motivate myself to do my best.

RELATIONSHIP

Regarding my relationship, honestly i was unable to put the whole relationship aside. Its simply too hard a thing to do, everytime when i have to think about stuff, i would unknownly think of the past which was filled with happiness and joy. However all these are gone because of the things i've done in the past, I can only live to regret. I realised how important you were in my life and all the sacrifices you have to make just to make me happy. Only until now that you are gone then I realised it, I really don't know if its too late for me to do anything but i just keep on trying. But now that i realised what i have lost, i will do anything it takes to make you trust me again and have the confidence you used to have in me in the past. Many people have told me to give up on you and just move on with my life, but i really cannot do it because i simply need you to be in my life and my heart will always be yours regardless whether you will come back to me or not, cause i really love you too much. I cannot blame it on anybody but myself, blame it on my childishness and stupidity for not being able to see how much you have done for me in the past. Letting you slip away is my biggest regret and i really hope i will have the chance to be with you again. I just can't live without you .. Life has no purpose without you in my heart. I guess thats how F*** up life is, only when you lose something/someone then you will learn to cherish it/her. If i could go back time, i would definetely not treat you the way i used to treat you last time. Nevertheless, no matter what your decision maybe, its your life and your choice, as long as you are happy then i am fine with it. Just give me a call when you want to talk about it, i will be waiting and looking forward to your call. Take Care.. Love YOu

PoP lo !!

The day that i had been looking forward to has finally come, however i was rather reluctant to move on to my next stage of army life. Leaving behind the bond that i have with my platoon and bunk mates. Although everyone was happy to POP but i could tell that everyone has that look on their faces wondering what the next stage would be. Have to start all over again knowing new friends and commanders. One thing that i learnt in army, only when you are willing to step out of your comfort zone and push yourself then you will become a stronger person.

Having my block leave now, but i feel so lonely without her in my life. Everyday just spend time watching anime and chilling at home. So darn boring .... I think i shouldnt be giving her too much pressure and stuff, cause its rather irritating for her i guess. Perhaps i should just let things take its nature course, i really dunno what else i can do except giving her time and more time. This year would be a lonely christmas for me without you, miss all the fun we had for the past 3 years during christmas. Until this day, i have once stop regretting and feeling angry about myself for treating you the way i treated you. I miss you so so much ... my heart will always be yours to keep. Love you !!